Cuando Los Ninos Bailen

I know it has been an unprofessional amount of time since I wrote my last blog. Fortunately for me, this isn’t my job because I would definitely have to fire myself by now. Once again, school & work have occupied all my time…but I should tell you I have a memo pad of paper with a list of blog topics to write about, when I get my life back in a few weeks. I hope that after my semester is over (December 22nd people, mark your calendars) that I will be able to spend my 5 weeks off from NYU catching up on all the books I bought for fun (but never read), studying Spanish (my co workers and I finally ordered rosetta stone), and of course…writing tons of blogs to catch you up on all the ideas that have been floating in this head of mine. Tonight though, I put aside the other work I have to do to write a special blog while my emotions are fresh. So, here it goes:
I came home from work tonight to see a letter from Children International. As some of you may know, I have been sponsoring a little boy named Elvis for the last 3 years through this international organization. At first glance of the thick packet I assumed it was an updated picture of him. I love when I get those updated pictures. Not to take too much credit, but he used to stare awkwardly into the camera for those. Ever since last March however, (when I visited him in Honduras) he has become a huge ham for the camera! He looks happier in every one I’ve gotten ever since my visit. I like to think it’s because he knows who he’s smiling for now. We became little buddies that day.

(Elvis performing a little song for me) :)
Unfortunately, the packet was nothing what I expected. Instead, it was a letter from Jim Cook (the founder of Children International). Elvis and his family unexpectedly moved out of the San Pedro Sula area, and therefore are no longer living in an area that Children International covers. They are gone, and he is no longer my sponsored child. What followed was worse. I cannot send any final letters or photos to him or his family. Upon reading this, I did what any sensitive and emotionally invested 25 year old would do…I cried. I held the letter and sobbed. And I feel that it is important to share just how much Elvis meant to me, and the story of how I visited him in Honduras.
It was October 2007 and I was living in Hells Kitchen, nyc. I was on my way to work when yes, I fell victim to one of those teenagers on the street asking “do you have a minute to help end world poverty?” Sure. I have a minute, but isn’t world poverty a little more complicated than that? Of course, I stopped and chatted away with the young man who was trying to sell me a kid. It seemed a little strange to do something like this on the street, and it seemed a little strange that he had photos and packets of hundreds of children living in poverty around the world in his little knapsack. Of course, I was still intrigued. I was told that for only 22 dollars a month I could provide school supplies, a monthly check up, and medical supplies for a kid in need. I had been thinking about doing this for years, and I had a few particular countries I was researching volunteering in at the time, so I started asking questions. “Do you have children from Honduras? I have been learning a lot about the country and I hope to visit it one day”. Man: “Yes! We do!” (man was very excited…starts fishing for all his Honduran baby pictures in his knapsack).
“Does children international allow visits? I feel weird about giving my money away and not seeing first hand where it goes”. Man: “We encourage visits! Just tell us 14 days before you plan to travel!”
“Really?...then sir, you have yourself a done deal. I want the youngest child you have in that bag…because I plan to sponsor for a very long time and I want to be a part of his life from the beginning”. And the man pulled out this picture of a 2 ½ year old butterball named Elvis. I know this may sound insane to some of you, but when I tell you I fell in love on the corner of 49th and 8th looking at a “welcome” packet from Children International…I kid you not. Maybe I am too sensitive a person to be doing things like this, but I was truly invested in Elvis, and his well being. So, from October 2007 on I sponsored him with 22 dollars a month, and a few letters and pictures exchanged a year. I thought about him every night, hoping he was Ok, safe, and healthy. Every time an updated picture arrived in the mail I would stick it on my refrigerator. My friends teased me, “Jessica, he has a mother already…you cannot take him back to the U.S.”
I always knew I would visit him in Honduras, I just didn’t know when. Finally, in March of 2010 I was given the amazing opportunity to volunteer in Honduras. I fundraised my entire trip through beer pong tournaments, letters to friends and family, and even selling some of my clothes. I didn’t know where Elvis lived in Honduras exactly, but it looked like a small country on the map and I was willing to jump on a bus if need be. About a month before leaving, I called Children International to explain what I would be doing in El Progreso. I was amazed and thrilled when the woman on the phone told me Elvis is in the San Pedro Sula area…just 45 minutes away from where I would be staying. I can’t help but write here how I know in my heart this was all meant to be. The organization I was volunteering with thought it was great and had no problem with me skipping a day with them to go make a visit to my little munchkin. So by mid February it was settled. I was going to volunteer in Honduras, and meet Elvis. Life was beautiful.
The day I met Elvis was the best day of my entire adult life so far. Children International sent an amazing woman to pick me up from where I was staying around 7:45 in the morning. We hopped in the van and drove about an hour to the center where Elvis and his mother were waiting for us. With me, I had regalos (gifts, of course) including Dora the explorer books (in Spanish) English/Spanish flashcards to help teach reading, and clothes. I bought matching pajamas from baby gap for him, his brother, and sister. I bought his mother a journal to record all the funny things her kids probably do every day since I knew she didn’t have a camera. I had a bag of goodies and I was so excited/nervous/happy. When we pulled up to the center my heart jumped in my throat. I saw him right away on the see-saw. He put his head down and rocked back and forth pretty violently (being nervous and upset at all the attention that was now on him). He was wearing jeans with a red and white t shirt. He was the cutest 5 year old I had ever seen. His family tried to get him to look up….I just stood there trying not to cry. “I am in San Pedro Sula Honduras, and I am 5 feet away from Elvis…oh my god…how did I get here?” was all I could think. When his mom told him firmly to look up, he became very upset and screamed “No quiero!” haha…(”I don’t want to!”) His tiny voice pulled at my heart and I told my friend Bobby (who speaks fluent Spanish) “tell her its ok! I understand!” 45 minutes of crying and shyness and I started being told by staff that this is a normal occurrence when sponsors show up. “Of course it is” I thought. I mean…imagine growing up in a small town in the United States. You own no tv, no radio, you have barely been educated. A Chinese woman who doesn’t speak English writes to your kid once a month and then after 3 years shows up in a van with a bunch of other Chinese people and she has gifts and a camera. Of course this can be stressful on a child and their entire family. But I wasn’t there to take pictures for fun, or to “hand out” gifts. I wanted to convey so badly how I thought about Elvis every day. I wanted to say how I told all my friends and family about the beautiful little boy and how he inspired me to begin to learn Spanish so perhaps one day I could get a job working in public health…working to help children like Elvis. But I was not fluent in Spanish, and for now…gifts were all I really had. So, I said “Elvis, Mira!” (elvis, look!) “Yo tengo regalos”. His little head looked up and I just got down on my knees and started reading one of the books I bought him to the best of my ability. It was a dora and diego book (in Spanish) and while I didn’t know every word I was reading…I did the best I could.
Throughout the story, he slowly walked closer and closer…I mean, cmon he had to see the pictures! By the time the story was over, a woman nearby told him to give me a hug for reading to him. After I put the book down, he jumped into my arms! After 45 minutes of him playing shy, we hugged it out. We were good now. We decided Elvis would probably feel more comfortable if we left the center, and headed to his own home. So, after a quick tour of the center which included the playground, education center, and pharmacy by the staff of Children International; we got back into the van, this time with Elvis and his mother, and headed to the mountain.
Elvis lived with his mother, sister, brother, grandfather, grandmother, and 12 other relatives in one concrete house. It was located at the top of a mountain on the outskirts of San Pedro Sula. When I say this was a bumpy ride, I really just say “bumpy” because I don’t think another word exists for the level of bumpiness this was. Elvis sat next to me, and I turned back to tell his mother during the ride how famous Elvis was back in Los Estados Unidos (The United States). The van drove a good distance before telling us no mas (no more). “You need to walk the rest! The hill is too steep to drive!” I got out of the van and checked out the hill I was about to climb to get to Elvis’s home. Before I had a moment to reflect, Elvis darted past me with all his gifts in his arms (barely able to hold it all). He ran up the hill screaming for his cousins and siblings, laughing and ready to show off his stuff. The child was a completely different person from when I first arrived that morning. I always had a feeling he was an adorable kid in person, but my god I was So Right! His voice, his smile, his enthusiasm, and his humor shined. As I walked up the hill about to enter his home and sit with his family, I could not have been happier. “This kid is amazing” I said.

When you stand outside in Elvis's house, on the porch, you are among the tops of avocado trees. The view is breathtaking. We spent the morning singing and dancing, reading books, and watching Elvis try on his new clothes. At one point he was so excited to be switching outfits, he ran out in nothing but his underwear. All the other little cousins started laughing and pointing and Elvis just smiled and ran away, with his little tushie sticking out. He is a joy. While I was not fluent in Spanish, I had the help of many translators and a friend who was fluent to help me out. I was able to convey my feelings towards the family, and had a very special conversation with Elvis’s Grandpa. His grandpa told me that in their house they refer to me as the godmother. He then gave me an original copy of a family photo they took one Christmas, and said he wanted me to keep it. He finished by saying (in Spanish) “you always have a place here in our home, and you can return whenever you’d like”.

(Elvis feeling like the superstar of the day with his mama and cousins)


(Watching the rainstorm)
That afternoon, after a typical Honduran rainstorm (which makes a NY rainstorm look like a day in the park) we grabbed walking sticks to assist us in our next challenge…getting down the hill to get back to the van. Of course, I slipped and fell on my tush right in the mud. We hugged and said our goodbyes. I thought for sure, I would return next year and make this day a tradition.

(Yes, I needed a little assistance coming down the hill)

They told me how I changed Elvis’s life. But really, Elvis changed mine.
Wherever you are my little butterball, I will never forget your smile and your teeny voice. You mean everything to me, and I will think about you and your family every day. I wish I could write you one last letter to tell you that I am here with you, in your heart, every step of the way.
Yo quiero mucho, y te extrano mucho.

86 all food: Part One

There is so much I could say about the experience I had during the cleanse that I made so public I was going to try. In all honesty, the numbers of topics are ongoing. I thought to myself “will you write about how hungry you were? Or maybe write about nutritional pros and cons to not eating for three days? Or maybe write about how cleanses aren’t in your opinion the “best” way to go about things…don’t sound too one sided though”. It’s been over 2 weeks since the cleanse and I am only writing about it now. Swamped with midterms, and deadlines at my job…I could only get myself to talk about this experience with friends over dinners these last few weeks rather than actually sit down and write about it. I knew writing about it would stir up a ton of information and use some emotional energy as well. I only hope I can remember all the details now. Although since I have used the word “traumatizing” to describe it …I think I can. For these reasons, I am breaking these posts into multiple parts. There are simply too many roads to take with this one. We will start with Friday. Day One.
I knew I was in trouble when one hour after my first juice, my stomach started growling.” How could I be hungry already?” I thought. I managed to hold off a little while longer but eventually ran for the second juice…both now being consumed before 11am. It was day one, Friday. I had 4 juice left as of 11am to last me for the rest of the day and night. In panic mode, I quickly made myself a Juice calendar, and plugged in evenly how I would distribute the juices for the rest of the weekend. That way, I wouldn’t accidentally finish them all too early in a day…or be left with 4 to drink 2 hours before bed. This little recording I did was just the beginning of the madness I refer to as my food obsession. Day one was the worst, that’s for sure. My body had no idea what was coming (screw the lemon tea I had in the days before, where was my oatmeal? Where was my rice and bean burrito for lunch?). I started suffering from what I was told were “detox symptoms” almost immediately, beginning of course with the headache. Ill save you the suspense and tell you now, that I had a headache from 11am Friday morning to about 4pm Sunday night, with absolutely no relief. Within hours, all I really wanted was to throw my juices off the triboro bridge and sit in a starbucks like a normal New Yorker while I sluggishly sipped a latte.
There were periods of relief however when it came to the hunger pains. These periods were usually about 10-15 minutes after consuming a juice, which made sense. This was the time my cells were being fed. But do the math, or the theorizing…juices don’t take long to digest. My 10-15 minute relief periods were short. I was always hungry about an hour and a half after having one again. This was one thing I was disappointed with. Why was I feeling physical hunger? I thought since my body was receiving all the nutrients it would need, that hunger pains would be the last of my worries. I was very very wrong here. Physical hunger was very much a part of my experience, along with fatigue.
By 4pm Friday I took my first nap. This was the beginning of the lack of energy (not the boost I had been promised). I was feeling tired, weak, and a little cranky. With no energy, and a desire to escape the growling stomach, I went to bed. I woke up around 6, and excited to have shaved off two hours, reached for juice #4. Amazingly, I finished all six juices and didn’t break any cleansing rules. I had officially made it through day one. My mantra was “day one is the hardest. You can do this” (literally people, I was saying these sentences out loud in my darkest moments of doubt and worst moments of hunger). But I finished well on Friday night, and, I will admit: slept great. Hm, maybe I really did just get through the worst?

T’was the Night Before Cleansing…

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring…not even …..not even my typical Thursday night snack which usually consists of cheese, crackers, and a celebratory glass of red wine for surviving yet another week. Uh. Why am I so tense?
The prep email I received Tuesday morning from my BP (Blue Print) friends I think fluttered me a bit. In a sudden rush of fear that my gut wasn’t in check, I decided that all intake of obvious junk food would be ceased immediately (although really...I don’t consume much junk food anyway). As for the caffeine, I went down to one large cup on Wednesday and one small cup (8oz) this morning. Yes, rather than completely going cold turkey I decided to slowly decrease the fluid ounces instead. Around 3pm when I usually hit up my favorite vegan spot on
west 23rd street for my second cup of coffee for the day; I instead these last 2 days opted for tea. My vegan, “raw food/nature/fans of "chill music"” type friends who work at the café suggested the lemon lavender mint tea. All I could think was “am I really doing this? Am I really capable of subbing out my second cup of coffee today for something that sounds like it should be made into a potpourri bowl?” But lemon- lavender- petals- galore tea I had. Actually, it wasn’t half bad. I may sound odd here, but it tasted clean. That is the exact word I thought by the time I reached the bottom of my cup. Yes, it had a clean fresh feeling to it. It was nothing like the coffee breath with a dash of milk and table sugar on the tongue that I am left with typically.
My final “prep” decision was that today, Thursday, I would eat completely vegan. I think 24 hours dairy free is definitely a step in the right direction before drinking juiced parsley. To clarify: Vegans are different from vegetarians, because vegans consume absolutely no animal products. While a vegetarian avoids meats, poultry, and fish…a vegan wouldn’t have cow’s milk in their cereal, or scrambled eggs. So today I went vegan. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stick to the sample menu BP gave me of vegetable broth and cucumber slices. I was feeling more anxious as the day went on, so I decided that eat I was going to…and that giving up my cheese and yogurt for the day was enough of a sacrifice “pre cleanse”. I mean c’mon…I’m giving up solid foods. Now you want my stomach to make funny noises the night before I even begin? Below is what I ate today, a diet high in fruits and vegetables, and low on sugars, dairy, & meats (well, not even low..basically eliminated).
Breakfast: Kashi Cinnamon Harvest Cereal with Soy Milk with an 8oz organic coffee (added soy milk and agave nectar). Mid Morning Snack: Smoothie (raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, soy milk, banana, agave). Lunch: ½ cup of Organic split pea soup, & a salad wrap. Salad wrap included: spinach leaves, chickpeas, apples, almonds, and craisins, rolled up in a whole wheat flat wrap with white balsamic dressing. Small herbal tea (my flower pot). Dinner: 4 “chicken” nuggets with steamed string beans. I quote “chicken” because they are vegetarian nuggets. I know some of you are re reading this and feeling confused as ever. I love my fake little nuggets, and these are actually soy free as well as meat free (obviously) which makes me feel even better since I try to not overdose on all the soy that tends to replace meat in so many vegetarian products. They are made from a mushroom protein, and breaded just like any other nugget, except no chickens were harmed in the making. I also consumed two water bottles today, and am wrapping up with a final treat: One Kashi Cookie. They are oatmeal raisin cookies that are baked with flaxseed and supplemented with omega-3. If you are going to have dessert, one of these certainly shouldn’t keep you up at night with guilt. And I find having one a day really keeps me from barging into the famous Serendipity’s in east midtown, and going nuts on a Broadway blackout sundae and a frozen hot chocolate.
My juices were delivered at 3:45pm today to my office. It was at that moment, I actually felt my first real moment of pressure and a teeny bit of anxiety. The box was heavy as I carried it into our company kitchen. I opened the lid, and there they were. Everything (and the only thing) I would be consuming for the next 3 days. I felt nervous, but kind of excited. Maybe the question of whether or not I would fail at this seemed to thrill me. Nevertheless, they are there waiting for me for when I get to my office at 8:30am tomorrow and have my first one for breakfast. My main fear is that I am going to feel sick on this. I don’t want to find myself hungry, and therefore suffering from all my normal symptoms that occur when I am hungry: headache, weakness, & irritability. I have chosen not to stick to my normal workout routine on this cleanse, despite many people swearing that you can. As a first timer, I am staying out of the gym (a great chance to catch up on all my nutrition homework) and have decided on day 3, depending how I feel, the furthest I will go is to my 10am yoga class. I wonder if I will be able to yoga on day 3 of no solids?
I feel as if I am being such a ridiculous American right now. People all over the world go days without food, whether it’s for fasting, cleansing, or simply not having enough food accessible to them to remain full. I only need to get through 3 days, (and my nutrients have been carefully calculated and juiced for me). I do hope that thought registers with me should my stomach start to growl and I should start to feel cranky. Besides, while I can’t site where I may have heard this, I am pretty sure there are some hardcore yogis out there who are practicing yoga for 11 hours a day with nothing by cumin, lemons, and cayenne pepper in their system. And some of them take vows of silence on top of this behavior (something I won’t even kid myself with by entertaining the thought).
I am such a rookie in this spiritual, cleansing world.

Prepare Prepare Prepare:

This marks the first blog entry where I begin discussing the journey that is “my cleanse”. It is Tuesday morning and I woke up to an email from my juicy friends over at BluePrint. Apparently…giving up solid food to drink nothing but fresh pressed juice everyday isn’t something you just wake up and do. What I am told today is that I need to start preparing my body for the experience it is about to encounter. This being, my digestive system catching a break from having to break down solid foods, toxins being flushed out, and getting a major overdose of vitamins and minerals through these 6 different juices I will be drinking each day. This can be a lot for a body to handle all at once, which is why it makes sense I suppose to start prepping your stomach, as well as your small and large intestines. Luckily for me, I know exactly how our digestive system works. I understand the changes that would take place should someone decide to not eat solid foods. I understand the pros, and cons, to cleansing and fasting. All of this knowledge I have acquired has made me very (very) selective on what cleanse I would select, and how long I would do it for.
But why am I cleansing in the first place? And what are some reasons you may or may not want to do the same? I will start with the most popular myth. If you want to cleanse because you want to lose weight, don’t waste your time, or your emotional investment in a cleanse. Cleansing is not (I repeat: not) a permanent weight loss solution. Sure, giving up solid food will definitely make you appear thinner, at least for a short while. Once you return to food however, its game on. Especially for those who cleanse for a week, and then feel that they’ve put in the work to earn back their frequent meals at applebees. But lets think practical here; we also can’t spend the rest of our lives living off nothing but juiced kale and coconut water. It is not only unrealistic, but horrific for our digestive system. Our esophagus (you know…that tube our food goes down to reach our stomach) is a muscle. And just like any other muscles in our body, if it is not worked…it becomes weak, lazy, flabby, however you want to picture it. Our esophagus pushes our food down after we swallow with a one way movement called “peristalsis”. This wavelike motion wouldn’t need to do half the work when we swallow nothing but liquids, nor would our stomach need to do as much churning. Overtime, no solid foods lead to a deteriorating digestive system, which can affect how our bodies eventually absorb nutrients. If we cannot absorb nutrients, we are not benefitting from eating any food at all. Long term affects: Wasting away of muscles, malabsorption, higher risk for illness, and eventual starvation. So, just like any other muscles in our bodies…lets keep our digestive system at work, by giving it a variety of wholesome food that it needs to break down, churn, mix, and push through our intestines. Bottom line: cleansing with a hope that you will lose tremendous amount of weight, and keep it off, even if it means cutting back on solid foods permanently, is not how I want your brain thinking.
I am cleansing, because I am reaching a point where my body, and the decisions I have recently made for it, is catching up to me. I am very much in tune with my body, which is excellent because I know when things are going wrong almost immediately. My schedule these days has contributed to a combination of symptoms including lack of sleep, increase in caffeine intake, increased likelihood to accept a glass of red wine after work, and more lunches then id care to admit being purchased “on the go”. My skin is dry (dehydration), I am tired, feeling sluggish, and bloated. I am cleansing to give my digestive system a break, put nothing but fruit and vegetables into my body, and allow myself the opportunity to rid my system of caffeine and alcohol. When I return to eating solids, I will return with a “clean slate,” and that is exactly what I feel I need. While this may help me drop a few pounds, I view those pounds as the toxins being flushed out of my system (goodbye bloat!) and know that I will need to keep healthy once I eat my first real breakfast again next week.
Back to my welcoming email I received this morning though. I have one issue with it. They are telling me to start preparing, by weaning off my coffee now. As I sit in my bedroom, reading through my morning emails, holding a giant cup of coffee…I looked down at my cup after reading this particular sentence, almost as if to say “im sorry” to it, as it stared back at me. What would I do? Is this my last cup? I mean, I wasn’t exactly prepared to hit this bump until Friday. And believe me, I knew when signing up for this that it would mean no coffee…I think I was lying to myself by ignoring that fact when sharing with my friends what I was about to do. I have two midterms this week (both of which really are requiring more commitment from me), so am I not to have caffeine on the days of these exams? If there is a God, now would be the time Id need to call on his help. If I really had my last cup of coffee this morning for the next week…I may go postal before this cleanse is over.
The rest seemed simple though. No meat (check! For the last 3 years), wean off dairy (not too difficult for me since the only dairy I really eat is yogurt, and cheese) and cut back on those added sugars (I only add sugar to my coffee, so again, I can deal). I am also given a sample menu of the foods I should stick to the day before I begin my cleanse. It’s what I would refer to as a “starve yourself” diet…but it’s only for one day, and I understand it will help prep my stomach for the pure juiced goodness it will need to rely on for the upcoming days. The menu tells me to stick to fruit for breakfast, cucumber, avocados, lettuce, and maybe some olive oil drizzled on top for lunch…and (ready for this?) vegetable broth (low sodium) for dinner. Good god. Are they kidding? Granted, I feel my stomach is already slightly better prepared then someone who eats fast food and is about to do this. I drink fresh squeezed juices frequently as a supplement to my lunches. However, without the support of the cleanse juices, I will be consuming less than 800 calories on this day if I follow their menu, and I fear that I will be left, well…clawing at the glass windows of my neighborhood bakery by 7pm.
So here it goes. I think I just drank my last cup of coffee. I am about to snack on my last stoneyfield yogurt cup for a while, and I will be carefully monitoring everything I eat for the next 3 days until my juices get delivered Friday morning. By the way, did I mention they are getting delivered to my office? This excites me. Friday morning I will come into work for my 9am meeting, and my juices will be there, in our refrigerator, waiting for me to start the day. One can only hope that no one else enters the meeting this Friday eating a buttered croissant, or an egg and cheese McMuffin.

Dormir = To Sleep

I remember having dinner with a friend back this summer, and speaking about this blog. Over two fresh squeezed juices, and a bowl of vegetarian meatballs in a small Asian restaurant downtown; we laughed for a minute about how all my entries seemed to be “rainbows and giggles” (meaning, I made a serious attempt to not write anything negative on here). That’s true. If there is anything I can’t stand, its reading peoples facebook status’s when they are complaining about life, their long day, how everyone “sucks”, or even better…the subtle messages of hatred towards the opposite gender that just let them down and was “such a disappointment”. I made a decision that reading my blog would leave you feeling happy, motivated, or at least a little more educated in the overall health department. However, at times I questioned my method. This stream of constant "happy" posts...How long would it take before my writing voice became annoying to anyone reading who was having a bad day? I am only human. I do not wake up to fresh fruit parfaits waiting for me, nor do I plant vegetables in my own organic garden here on the upper east side (although one day I’d love to have a garden, no matter where I live, city or no city). I work full time, I am a full time graduate student, and I am involved in two local community organizations. I am busy, stressed, and a type- A New Yorker. Yes, sometimes I order breakfast online and have the delivery man come right to my cubicle. Bottom line: I study nutrition and health because I care about it, but day to day decisions happen for me too. So I decided to change it up a bit, and write tonight to let you in on whats not going so well right now for me, which is my sleeping pattern. But rather than make this negative, I want to share what I am doing about it. How can we apply our basic health knowledge to bettering our situations? I want to share with you my little sleep story. So here you go …my not-so-perfect health situation.
Since late August, I haven’t slept more than 6 hours a night. Earlier in the summer, I remember writing a blog entry that opened up with how I sleep for 9 hours every night, and sadly that used to be true. My co workers at the time teased me often, because I would swear by my perfect 9 hours that left me smiling and bright eyed each day in the office. Like clockwork I fell asleep at 11, and woke up at 8. So what happened? I have been asking myself this for weeks. Sure, I have a lot on my plate, but I didn’t think that differed from any other time in my life considering I became a multi-tasker in the 3rd grade. I think It started with a slight change of lifestyle. Towards the end of summer I started going out more, (which I am blaming on a direct anxiety about returning to school). Knowing between school and work that the “fun might be over” until December, I think I justified too many Weeknights out. Our bodies adjust pretty quickly, so it only took about a week of this behavior to start not going to sleep until 1am. It was too early to notice, but I had a much later “bed time” and this was just the beginning. I started complaining at work that I was only sleeping 6-7 hours a night now because “I can’t fall asleep at night”. So, one Friday night during this time, I decided to take my health knowledge and put it to the test. Something to think about if you are having trouble falling asleep at night:1. Those who sit at a desk all day and are not very active may have more trouble falling asleep at night, since you are not using your muscles enough throughout the day. It’s kind of like a “couch potato” syndrome (although that is not what I am calling you). Unfortunately, many of our jobs keep us strapped to a desk 9 hours a day. Try exercising 30 minutes a day, and you may find yourself wiped by the time you lay down at night.
2. Baths: I’ve said it before, but a hot bath can relax your muscles and be a free spa treatment for improving rest and relaxation. Try warm baths with lavender scents, and even a cup of sleepy time tea to accompany it, and get “in the mood” for sleep.
3. Although this is never what I recommend…we all know that a glass of wine (when had in moderation) can make you a little sleepy. Sometimes, a small glass of red wine can be the trick to calming down and drifting off. I hope this one doesn’t get confused for me pushing alcoholism. I promote moderation.

On this Friday night…I did all three. I went to the gym after work, worked myself hard. Left the gym with my gal pal Morgan where we sat at a nice bar to catch up about our week over (one) glass of red wine. Then, I hopped in a cab and went home. I filled up a bubble bath, turned my bathroom into my free spa, and exited an hour later. I actually said to my roommate “if this all doesn’t work tonight, I am going to see a doctor”. But it did. Praise my pillows. I fell asleep that Friday night by 11pm, and got decent sleep. Unfortunately, I cannot do all 3 of those things every night, and of course this was a one night fix that didn’t last long. Soon after, I went from not being able to fall asleep until 1am, to falling asleep late AND waking up sporadically numerous times throughout the night. To ice this cake, soon after that it was all of the above, AND waking up before the alarm went off in the morning.

Yes, September came. The new job started, the classes started, my commitments began getting plugged into the calendar. I was amazed at the idea that subconsciously I could be so nervous about something that it would affect me this much. But if it were you who were writing to me about this, I would tell you to listen to your body. Our bodies work in a delicate balance. I don’t have a sleep issue…I have an issue that is making it difficult for me to shut down at bed time. So,…fix the issue and get your sleep back. The one thing I wanted to do was fix the reason why I wasn’t sleeping, and not medicate myself with sleeping pills.

My thoughts: Reasons people can’t sleep- stress, dehydration, eating too much before bed (yes your digestive system can keep you awake as it does all that work), not moving enough during the day to become adequately tired, & the classic…unable to turn off the brain.

My tip to myself (and others who suffer): If you are going to pick a time to think about everything you need to do, people you need to call back, and obligations you have coming up….pick the morning. Because that’s where they will all be when you wake up, regardless of how much sleep you get the night before. Right before bed is not the time to start writing “to do” lists and evaluating decisions you’ve recently made. You may as well leave it alone, because it’s not going anywhere before breakfast.

So what happened here? Well, I reached a breaking point. At a month and a half of no sleep, I cracked. I became so upset, saying things like “I can’t keep going like this. I just want to sleep! I can’t do my homework, or my job, or anything this exhausted!” With tears at this point flowing out of my eyes, I once again thought about where I could go from here. And then bam, I remembered something. I went to Duane Reade and purchased Melatonin. Melatonin my friends, is all natural. In fact, our bodies make it! It’s what physiologically speaking, has programmed us to feel sleepy in the dark, rather than the daytime. Amazing isn’t it? Although I never wanted to take anything for my sleep issue, I felt myself becoming more ill from the severe lack of sleep, than I would have been if I took a little Melatonin. If I was going to take anything, it would have to be 100% natural (which this is). Consider it an extra boost of mother nature. While the melatonin has helped me through a few nights, I am still working on this issue. What I want to stress though, is that after a few nights of losing sleep I did not run to prescriptions. We need to think about why we suffer. Why do we have headaches? Why do we have stomach cramps? And remember that the real goal should be to fix the reason, and not mask the pain with alternative solutions. I thought hard about what I was eating during this time, if I was drinking enough water, and how my relationships with friends and family were at the current time as well.
Overall health is defined as physical, social, and mental. If you do not have all 3, regardless of how often you hit the gym, you are not considered “healthy”. I am active at the gym, and I choose my foods carefully each day, but if stress is keeping me awake at night even when I am trying so hard to stay asleep…than this is a health problem for me, and only myself can tackle it and beat it. That of course, is exactly what I plan to do. Overall health is not easy to accomplish all the time. We live in a crazy crazy world. One that keeps us in the office until 10pm, or tells us we are saving money if we go the next size up with our French Fry order. But we can do it. We can be healthy.

Wishing you hours of deep sleep (because sleep promotes weight loss, and less wrinkles).
And thank you for listening <3
Jess

Apples to Apples

In the event that summer is now behind us and we are entering my absolute most favorite time of year; It makes sense that before I even had a chance to get my fall jackets, scarves, and riding boots out of my closet…I was purchasing cinnamon, nutmeg, soy butter, and about 60 apples. It was Labor Day weekend, and that was fall enough for me to make my first crisp(s) of the season. From the morning of September 2nd through the end of September 3rd, I made a total of 5 apple/blueberry crisps. Each crisp requires 12 apples and a box of blueberries to complete. I was serving the health conscious, the not so health conscious, the vegan friendly, & the gluten free. With so many different people all with their own tastes I knew I would be kept busy. I don’t know what it is about baking, but I love getting dirty in sugar and flour. I’ve been baking on my own since I was eight years old. I had a friend whose mom gave her a lot of independence as a kid. I would hang out there all day, and in that house we were allowed to bake with no adult supervision. I don’t know for sure how good our stuff tasted back then, or how it came out, but we were pretty much sticking to the “just add water & eggs” Betty Crocker boxes so I am sure we couldn’t have messed it up that much. I remember many days making chocolate cakes in 9x13 rectangular pans, dumping 2 containers of vanilla frosting onto it, topping with sprinkles and then literally grabbing two forks. Who could have foreseen that almost 20 years later I would be purchasing soy butter, unrefined organic sugar, and baking from scratch?
But what I love even more than the actual baking is every ones feedback after they eat what I made them. Really, you can tell me all day how amazing my crisp is. I will never get tired of hearing it. In fact, the more you tell me, the more I will probably make for you since I will associate you with feeling good about myself. I do love that feedback. And this is how I tell you I am appreciative of you. Dogs lick your face, children give you hugs, a boss may give you a raise, and a professor may give you an A. I give you baked goods wrapped with ribbon, or placed in Tupperware. This is how I show my appreciation, gratitude, or thankfulness for your friendship, guidance, support, or all of the above. So needless to say, I was baking this weekend for special people. People who to me had supported me this summer during the times my life was a little up in the air, whether they knew it or not. I will tell you these people were all work related, from my job that I had this summer. My last day working in this particular department was August 31st, even though I did stay with the company for fall, just transitioned into a different role.
Apple crisps are the most perfect thing to bake in the fall. They are a great compliment to the cooling temperatures, earlier sunsets, and Sunday football games. The recipe I use is 100% organic, AND vegan (which means absolutely no animal products including no butter or eggs). While this does not make the crisp a low sugar or low calorie food, it does lower the total fat, and cholesterol. In addition, the organic ingredients are more “guilt free” than if I had used anything artificial (which is a big no no to me). As always it is not about eliminating foods, but more about using the best possible ingredients, making it at home, and of course…staying in a reasonable portion zone. America likes to supersize everything for 25 cents more & to be honest I believe when this tactic is used on children it is a sick form of child abuse. It is also unfair to all of the consumers who don’t study nutrition and are confused as hell as to what to buy. Remember: We don’t need to pile a large 16” dinner plate with apple crisp. We don’t need it. So take one serving, (use a small dessert “cake plate” to better guarantee not accidentally piling on too much), grab a fork and enjoy. I will post the recipe for this in the next few weeks under my recipe tab.
*For the gluten free crisp, I kept the recipe the same except I subbed out the oats & flour and replaced them with gluten free oats, & gluten free all purpose baking flour. This seemed to work just fine. With gluten free flour, it doesn’t always have the same baking power that regular all purpose flour has, so I went a little heavier on the cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla to avoid losing flavor. Those who ate it reportedly made comments such as “this is gluten free?? Seriously??” (Fyi: I did Clorox my entire kitchen between baking the different crisps out of complete fear that I was going to leave my intolerant friend in the emergency room). Wheat flour can remain airborne for up to 7 hours, and cross contamination is not hard to do even when you are cleaning. If you are unaware how serious the allergy is, definitely use different utensils, mixing bowls, cake pans etc. Other than separating all utensils and subbing those two ingredients…everything else went the same and it worked out perfectly!

The Cereal Revolution

(Ok this isn't cereal. It is Angel Food Cake with fresh blueberries. Once in a while, its nice to have dessert, & this is one of my favorites to make).

When I was a kid, I used to self jokingly call myself the "carb queen" (and I thought I was so clever for thinking of this). At eleven years old I was dancing 35 hours a week between my competition studio and school dance teams, and I carried with me multiple food allergies and a picky eater attitude. All I was interested in eating were carbohydrates. And my body just could not seem to get enough of them. Every morning I would have maybe 4 bowls of cereal, and lunch/dinner would be bagels/pizza/pasta/french fries, whatever you could think of. Since I was exercising so much I ate this food like it was nothing, i.e. eating an entire pizza pie after practice one day...by myself. Of course I was not paying attention to the fact that nutritionally speaking all I was eating were empty calories, foods high in sugar, and lacking all of the nutrients that I needed to support all that dancing. It is no wonder I was always exhausted. Sure, one could say an eleven year old shouldn’t have been involved in that many commitments, but that’s my personality, that wasn't going to change; so all I would say to those folks would be "mind ya P’s and Q’s". Maybe if I had eaten a few more vegetables, fruits, and whole grains rather than white starchy bagels, I would have been feeling up to a bit more. Maybe I would have joined an 8th dance team....who knows.

One habit from my past that hasn’t changed though, are those four bowls of cereal. From working out consistently my entire life, I tend to require a lot more calories than I realize sometimes. So, if Jerry Seinfeld can pack his cabinets with nothing but cereal, why cant I? I love my cereal. I eat it everyday for breakfast in large bowls. But now I am in the world of knowing too much (similar to how depressed you get after watching just 10 minutes of the evening news and you are wishing you weren't suddenly aware of who got "shot and scammed" this evening, as one friend of mine humorously put it). I find myself standing in the cereal aisle for almost 14 minutes with each food shopping trip. I pace up and down the aisle, picking up different boxes: waiting for one of them to meet my approval for an actual healthy option. The one with all the fiber seems to have all the sugar, and the one with no sugar seems to have artificial colors and aspartame in it. It seems cereals are pretty contradicting these days, which is interesting considering how many health claims are typically found on their boxes. Also, I don’t feel its right that I am standing there thinking "I am a nutrition student! Why is this so hard!?" One thing is for sure though; a box of Lucky Charms that says in big bold letters for Mom to see "With adequate calcium to support growing bones in children!"...is a load of crap.

Back at age 11, I also used to spend about 14 minutes in each aisle ...but that was because I would tap dance down the aisles as my mom food shopped. Even then, I had trouble picking a cereal box. Although my troubles were mostly because I was trying to pick the one that had the best toy in it, the most amount of marshmallows, or the best commercial. Now, I am looking for more specific criteria to pass my breakfast test.
1. No artificial ingredients/preservatives/colors
2. 25% or less calories coming from sugar
3. Whole grain as first ingredient
4. good source of fiber

Why those 4 rules? 1. Artificial ingredients are not ingredients, they are chemicals. Chemicals do not belong in our body, food does. Artificial sweeteners such as splenda, and aspartame have been, in my opinion smartly linked to cancer, heart disease, loss of feeling in limbs, brain damage, and death. Sounds like one of those commercials for an allergy medication, when they list quickly under their breath all the ways you might die from trying out their product. 2. Sugar is found in everything, but not all sugar is equal. Sugar in apples is not the same kind of sugar found in ice cream. However, sugar when in excess, stores as fat. Yes sugar makes us fat when we eat too much. Once the liver "maxes out" on glucose, it converts the extra to fatty acids, which then travels throughout our body and stores in adipose tissue (fat tissue), home of the "fatty acids". So those cereals that contain the equivalent of 16 packs of sugar in one serving, can add on pounds over time if eaten regularly. They also can increase your chances of becoming diabetic, since insulin resistance is known to develop in those who are overweight, when the spiked levels of blood sugar cause too much stress on the body. 3. Whole grains. I mention them frequently on here, and in person with those who ask me why they are so important. We are told to try and eat about 48g of whole grains a day (16 grams is one serving) so this means aiming for 3 servings a day of actual 100% whole grains. Whole grains decrease your chances of becoming diabetic (by assisting in lowering your cholesterol) and suffering from heart disease. But what I really want to focus on today is #4. Fiber: Americans all over are not consuming enough fiber. Fiber, which comes in two forms, soluble & insoluble each come with their own benefits. Neither is absorbed into the bloodstream, but rather both are excreted from our body. Insoluble fiber moves bulk throughout the intestines, as well as controlling the Ph balance. Why is this good news? The quick movement of bulk throughout the intestine is removing toxic waste, and leaving it less time to well, “hang out” in our body. This will in turn prevent constipation, and is believed to decrease your chances of colon cancer. Great sources of insoluble fiber include dark leafy greens, fruit skins, root vegetable skins, and ahem…whole wheat. Soluble fiber forms a gel when mixed with liquid (for me, I picture the word “soluble” which literally means “capable of being dissolved”, and use that to picture the image of a gel absorbing everything that crosses its path. Kind of like a slow, thick, lazy river. Hey, this is what helps me). Since soluble fiber is the “lazy river”, it moves slowly, delaying stomach emptying time, which causes sugar to become released and absorbed slowly. This is where the low score on the glycemic index comes into play (slow absorption gets a low score, & lower score is better) as well as the stories of high fiber diets leaving people feeling full for longer (which leads to weight loss). See the lovely chain of reactions here? With diets rich in whole grains and fiber we can decrease the percentage of those considered “obese” in our country (which last time I checked, was 33%, with 66% of Americans being classified as overweight). We can decrease our chances of suffering from diseases, heart attacks, and cancer. We can keep toxins out of our bodies, & keep our loved ones in our lives for longer. More Americans are dying from heart disease than any other cause of death. It is the number one way we are dying. Congratulations to Heart Disease …you win again this year as number one.

So where does this leave us in the cereal aisle? If we pick the right box, cereal doesn’t have to be an evil carbohydrate that blows all your healthy eating goals. Cereal can be a great way to start your day with whole grains, fiber, & adequate energy. For your pleasure, I have gone and recommended three cereals that I am ok with.
* Total Raisin Bran
*Kashi Go Lean Crunch
*Kashi Autumn Wheat
I enjoy with skim milk, or nonfat organic yogurt (peach, vanilla, strawberry).
For those of you who are still stuck on the fact that Lucky Charms isn’t going to do it anymore...I understand. Breaking habit is hard. If you are not used to the healthier cereals, you may find yourself resisting even looking at a Kashi box. I like to add sliced bananas, & cinnamon to certain cereals because bananas are sweet and cinnamon is delicious. Little healthy add ons can make your breakfast slightly more enjoyable as you wean onto the better choices. If not for your taste buds, than for your heart, your health, and your loved ones (because trust me, they want you around).

Peace. Love. & Bananas.

For the Love of Food

As a graduate nutrition student, I sometimes feel pressure around my peers when it comes to cooking as well as cooking skills. I am going to throw it out there. I am not a cook. My knife skills are terrible, and I have to follow recipes. This doesn’t mean I am not a great nutrition student though. It’s just that many of my classmates went into nutrition because they grew up cooking, used to be a chef, or are natural “foodies”. Or even better: They are excellent chemistry students (good grief). I went into nutrition having grown up on velveeta, & bagels (not anymore of course, that’s all in the past). But I entered with a slightly different passion. It isn’t so much the smell of roasted garlic that makes me fall in love with nutrition (well, maybe a little). I went into nutrition in order to represent public health, and on an international level. At 22, (Ah yes, your 20s, filled with self discovery) I realized that I whole heartedly believe that every person no matter their age, sex, religion, or income bracket, have the natural born right to know what they are eating, decide what they are going to eat, and have access to whole, natural, affordable, healthy foods. This passion burned so much inside of me, that I soon after became a volunteer with the Food Bank of NYC where I taught nutrition to second graders in the Bronx who were on meal assistance programs at their school. That same year, I started applying to graduate schools. When I witness the disparities in food portions, ingredients, and nutrition education around the world, across our country, and even just in different parts of nyc; I become well, crazy. There is plenty I plan to do with my life (like travel, mostly) but I know I want to dedicate myself to this cause. What I hope the most for myself is that I am able to enter a career once I am complete with school where I can make a difference in this nutrition crisis and actually do the job for 40 years without getting tired of it. I tend to get tired of things frequently which is why I am cut out to live in the city, (never can be bored here) and since social security won’t exist by the time I am old enough to retire, I am thinking I better love my career right? This is what I want first. Way before a house with a fence, a dog, and 2.5 children, I want the opportunity to dive into my passion and never get lost in the “American Dream” mayhem that society makes us feel we should be keeping up with. You know the “American Dream”…it’s called the mortgage crisis.
So, back to my rookie kitchen skills: I may not be able to julienne carrots, but I enjoy buying them whole, organic, rinsing them in my sink and adding them to my whole wheat angel hair pasta for a dose of vitamin A in my dinner. I also love that my carrots do not come in a plastic bag with 13 ingredients listed on the back including “red lake 40 for color enhancement". My carrots have only one ingredient: “carrot”.
With yesterday being Sunday, and Sunday being a day I solely know as “for food, fun, & football”, I dedicated the entire rainy day to food. This is because to me food is fun, and football isn’t on yet. My childhood friend (since age 8) Kristen came to visit me Saturday night into Sunday. Kristen is a foodie. We were supposed to take yoga, but ended up sleeping past the alarm and waking up to a rain storm. Eh. Its Sunday, it’s raining; I can skip this week right? So I threw on a Sunday dress, grabbed an umbrella, and we instead walked to Le Pain on Madison Avenue & 84th street for what New Yorkers believe to be the trend known as…brunch. We were really just hungry, no trendiness necessary. Why I love Le Pain? They support organic sustainable farms. And I support restaurants that support organic sustainable farms. We entered the restaurant wet. My umbrella failed us on 90th and park as the wind blew it backwards and it tried to pull me down the street as opposed to doing its job and covering my head. As soon as we sat we rush ordered coffees (their coffee is SO delicious) and ate apple cinnamon and vegan blueberry muffins, finishing with a giant bowl of berries (raspberries, strawberries, blackberries, & blueberries).
Outside the restaurant window, the rain poured. Little Upper East Side toddlers holding their grandmothers hands splashed in the rain wearing rain boots with matching rain coats, looking like a pottery barn kids catalog come to life. We sat there and took our sweet time enjoying the sweet food, and with the heavy rain outside, what good would rushing do us anyway? I think food, friends, and conversation are becoming some of my greatest pleasures. We had coffee, we had time, and we had a lot to talk about. Le Pain hosted us well, and we eventually drifted out of the café with full tummies and smiles.
With a park day out of the question, & Kristen being a foodie, I knew she wouldn’t mind coming to wholefoods with me for the afternoon. What I love about this part, is that Kristen enjoys what I believe matters most as well, (food, wine, & loved ones), and she was thrilled at entering a gigantic wholefoods on 96th and Columbus with me. I was walking around this market like I had just struck the vegetable lottery. Which, at this place I may as well have. My rule for produce shopping, pick 2 items of each color of the rainbow. Example; “red” (apples, red peppers, check!) “Orange” (Oranges, peaches, check!) “yellow” (bananas, yellow potatoes) “Green” (kale, broccoli, spinach…three of these because they are the best) and so on. Fill that cart like a rainbow and without ever having to plug your meals into some online food journal, or calorie count, know that you are balanced and OK. I filled my cart with fruits, vegetables, whole grains, salads, nuts, veggie burgers, lentils, chips & salsa, and pasta. I don’t know which was more fun, the shopping or the unpacking of the food into my kitchen. I had spent my money for the week on food. I knew I wouldn’t need to take out another dollar for at least 10 days. The difference between eating out during your work week and cooking food at home is something that not only will better your wallet, but it will better how you feel. When you walk into a burrito joint lets say, you may at first feel empowered by choosing what to put into that burrito (“I chose brown rice, I chose black beans, I said no cheese”). But you have no idea where those beans came from. Were they in a can before they were prepared? If so, how much sodium may be in those beans? And how much do you pay for a burrito in NYC? Based on my 7 years here, I’d say anywhere from $8-$11 and that’s not including your beverage (which also probably racks you up another $2.25, and 80-220 calories depending what you choose). Eating Out= ok once in a while for a social scene and emergencies. However, Cooking > Eating Out, always. :)


For dinner on this night after returning from the food store, I cooked butternut squash risotto with roasted Brussels sprouts in garlic and olive oil. We opened a bottle of pinot noir, (because this is what Sundays are for) and we sat with our dinner, my friend and I. Eating nothing but whole foods (literally) this week, this is what I ate the following day, (all found at wholefoods market): My friends, I present to you a day in the life of my eating habits.
Breakfast: Kashi Go Lean Crunch in a bowl with Stoneyfield Vanilla organic yogurt, and sliced banana
Snack: “Back to Nature” cheddar crackers
Lunch: Saffron Rice with Kidney beans
Snack: Cascadian Farm Chocolate Almond Granola Bar
Dinner: (cooked at home) Vegetarian Chickn stuffed with goat cheese. Walnut and Cranberry cous cous, with sautéed Kale. (check recipe tab for instructions on kale). Giant glass of water.
Tonight, making every attempt to not write a 5,000 word blog entry, I wanted to share with you my passion for not just food, but food equality. I wanted to share my passion for cooking, despite the fact that I am a rookie at the stove. My passion for not just eating, but eating with loved ones and enjoying the time spent. And I wanted to bring to your attention briefly (or not so briefly) the world of food shopping, selecting actual food, & then cooking with it. Yes, sounds funny but there are plenty of “food store” items on the shelves that do not qualify as actual “food”. I am not ever going to be on the food network channel, and when I cut an onion there is a mess on the cutting board. But I am serious about eating foods that make you feel good, and I am serious about everyone having that chance. I have seen firsthand, the children I used to tutor in East Harlem eat their lunch and within the next 2 hours be unable to concentrate in class. “I don’t feel well Miss Jessica” and my response would be “what did you last eat darling?” Nutrition fuels your mind. How can we expect a future generation of successful students, employees, and citizens, if the highest potential for learning is never reached? And keep in mind that the highest potential for learning may never be reached, because meals high in fat and sugar do nothing but leave a child sleepy & with a stomach ache. Diets low in omega 3 has been linked to learning disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder. The list goes on. These are the thoughts that run through my head everyday. As I continue my education in Nutrition and public health this fall, I will continue to write on these topics that remind me everyday why I am investing in my education in the first place.
Peace. Love. & Equality.

All Bodies Rise

(In January, I had the priviledge of being present at my friends engagement party. Her family is from Bombay, India and this was a religious Puja ceremony. This tradition involved blessing the couple, prayer, and offering food to the Gods. I ate, I drank, I wore a Sari. This picture was taken during preperation for the "arshibad" ceremony).

It’s a really great feeling to wake up on the weekend (on a day I do not have to work), have some breakfast, and walk out the door in comfortable clothing with no make up on. This is my routine when I go to yoga class on Saturday or Sunday mornings. I love waking up feeling refreshed, and not tired or stressed (You see, I never go out the night before taking class, because I know if I do I will not make it to class at all). So sometimes I watch Saturday Night Live and hit the pillow for 9 hours on Saturday night instead; and then I begin my Sunday morning on the mat with deep breaths, wrist curls, and shaking my head “yes” and “no”. As the instructor says, “wake up your body”. With my yoga pants, flip flops, white tank top, and my hair a wild mess, I headed down to St Marks place yesterday morning around 9am. My breakfast was Kashi cereal “autumn wheat” with skim milk and a banana. I hold on all coffee until after class since I don’t think it is wise to increase your heart rate with caffeine right before working out (where your heart rate will increase on its own). Also, it is an artificial way of waking up & yoga feels better in the end. I say that with all the love in the world for my coffee, but it’s the truth.
Class was tough this morning. It was a different instructor who I had never taken class with, and my body for some reason felt extra tight. I was surprised when I went into downward dog and my heels couldn’t touch the mat. I thought to myself “give yourself ten minutes and your body will warm up” but I was struggling for some reason. 20 minutes later I thought “maybe it was the 3 mile run last night, you didn’t really stretch well after and you may have tightened up during sleep”. 5 minutes later, as my hips screamed at me for making them go into warrior 2, I finally said, “this class is only an hour, so stop thinking, shut up, and do what you can,…. just don’t quit Jessica Marie”. (I use the "marie" here for that middle name extra "oomph". Remember when you were young and you knew you were really in trouble because your mom or dad called you by your first AND middle name? When I heard "Jessica Marie!" I knew to hide).
Then, just in the peak of class where your heart rate is really up, and sweat is starting to get into your eyes, the instructor tuned on Coldplays “Lovers in Japan/Reign of love”. A huge smile spread across my face, & I thought “amazing! I Love this song!” By the time I processed that thought, I realized I had made it into the bind position, which everyone else had already been holding for 3 minutes while I had been shaking with effort. Good lord! If any of you do not know what this is, google it. It’s not exactly…comfortable. That position makes me dizzy usually but I must have been feeling unstoppable because I just looked at the girl in front of me (who by the way, looked like she could do the dishes in that position with no problem) and copied her. Boom. Done. Jessica is in the bind. I credit the coldplay. After this mini miracle, I finally felt like I had accomplished something. Interestingly enough, the teacher starts going into a little lecture at this point. He starts saying (in his slow, calming yogi voice): “Just breathe. Dedicate this class to yourself, this is your time. We live in New York City, and living here means everything in your life probably revolves around competition. It is all ambition here. But this lifestyle….I am going to ask you to throw it out right now.” Huh…funny. He is so smart. If I hadn’t made it into the bind position at that point of class, and I finished the hour still struggling through everything (aka “if he hadn’t played the coldplay”), would I have felt like I failed in yoga this morning? Am I that New Yorker who competes with my own life? Now I understand though, that no matter how much I sweat or how many yoga positions I can or cannot do, the fact that I absorbed what this man said in that moment, about doing it for yourself… now I had truly reaped the benefits of class. That’s my hour. It doesn’t matter for 60 minutes what my sales are like at my job, if I am going to do well in my clinical nutrition class this fall, or if my electricity bill is due this week. I am going to for just an hour, stop competing with others and myself. I am going to try my best, breathe, and be grateful for the New York moment in which I actually slowed down. It doesn’t matter if the chick in front of me can stand on her head and write a check to time warner cable at the same time. My time was spent working on my flexibility, enjoying coldplay, & accomplishing the bind (yea!)
When class was over, as always, I walked out looking like I just fell in love. I stop at Think Coffee on 13th street on the way home and buy my well deserved cup of joe, hop on the subway and say “now….. what else will I do with this day?”
Peace. Love. Namaste.

• Lovers In Japan / Reign Of Love by Coldplay

More Coldplay music on iLike

Hydrotherapy:

(Home on Long Island, at the docks in Northport)
This past weekend for me was an equal mix of relaxation, red wine, ocean beaches, & family time. And it all kicked off Thursday evening with one of my routine "me time" bubble baths. So, tonight I have decided to highlight this routine as I have brought it to your attention before. The bubble bath. When I was a full time nanny to those same three little darlings I’ve written about in the past (see April blog: “why does the pig eat tofu?”) I used to give them a bath every night after dinner. Yes. All 3 of them at the same time. There were lots of bubbles. You may be wondering how I managed to wash 3 children at the same time. Easy…. Funny Bones.
(What?)
Yep. Funny….Bones….
My hands would have the wash cloths wrapped around them, loaded with soap. I would reach for the ankles and scrub while singing “the ankle bone connects to the, knee bone! The knee bone connects to the hip bone!” Then: “them bones them bones them, funnnnnyyy bones!” (at the “funny bones” they would get tickled and splashed by me, making the washing process well, “funny” to them. They got the biggest kick out of this. If you don’t know the funny bones song, then I fear you may have missed out on something during your childhood. Their little laughs would make me laugh, and by the time the bath was over we were all equally covered in bubbles. The kids however, were clean. Mission accomplished.
But what does a bath mean to you when you are no longer 5, but rather 25?
At 5 I looked forward to baths because it meant I got to turn my barbies into mermaids and play in a giant tub of water until my fingers looked like raisins. This past Thursday evening, I finished a brutal workout at the gym, and I felt that if I did not take some time to soak in hot water, I may not have been able to get out of bed in the morning. :) Now there are other reasons for taking a bath as an adult besides a killer workout. Stress for one, is a horrible chain of reactions in our body which will age us, add weight, and affect our physical and mental health. If you feel stressed for whatever reason, I am going to suggest a bath. If you feel you have a lot on your mind, and need time to gather your thoughts and re evaluate some things; I am going to suggest a bath. And while I may have taken one this night because of the workout, I will confess…it was all of the above reasons that made my bath feel superior.
I believe it’s important to listen to your inner monologue, to listen to your heart, and to listen to your body. They are all always speaking to you, and it is this self awareness that I feel puts you 10 steps ahead of the game. For example, I usually know when I am getting sick days before it actually happens. I can feel when I am low on iron, and when I am dehydrated. Forget Tylenol, diet supplements, and talk shows on TV. You can figure everything out on your own, just listen. So listen I do (or at least try to most of the time, but no one is perfect). What I heard was …”lady, take a bath”. This time is beneficial since 1. Relaxing slows my heart rate down, and this makes excellent prep for sleep, 2. The steam opened my pores and allowed for workout wastes to escape way better than a cold shower would, and 3. Meditation & self awareness requires practice. Marjorie Jaffe, in her book, "The Bathtub Yoga & Relaxation Book" says "You forget how to take care of yourself, and [a bath] teaches you to take time, meditate and be mindful of your body" (David Fischer discusses this on his candles and soap blog).
It is amazing how when I turn off my bathroom light, & light 4 candles instead, how my bathroom (which is so boring and normal during the day) becomes an entirely different place. It is beautiful. With 4 candles at the front of the tub (2 on each side) and 2 candles that hang in holders on the wall, I can shut off the actual bright lights that are above my sink. I filled up the tub with hot water, and poured a dove soap mix against the running water. My final touch is the ipod perfectly placed next to the tub, and my playlist set to go. I tie my hair up in a “sloppy bun” & step right in. Hello, this is my world now. I am thinking about how being alone feels nice sometimes (despite how much I usually love being around people), and how I feel that this is better than any verbal therapy session anyone could ever offer me. Fortunately for me, I have the capability to close my eyes, listen to music, and completely meditate until I feel new again. I also make decisions during this time on issues that are peeving me for the moment. Sigh…ah clarity. There you are.
I will share my relaxation playlist: I couldn’t have been happier listening to this mix. You should try it. (it's mostly the same artists, but hey if the mood fits...)
Ingrid Michaelson: “The Chain”
Ingrid Michaelson/Sara Bareilles: “Winter Song”
The Cinematic Orchestra: “To build a home”
Ingrid Michaelson: “Morning Lullabies”
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: “Maps”
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: “Runaway”
Maxwell: “Womans work”
Ingrid Michaelson: "The way I am"
Ingrid Michaelson: “Keep Breathing”
So, my loved ones, do yourself a favor and step into the world of hot water, candles, and bubbles that smell like lavender. Because when this world gets confusing and complicated, it wont do you any good to stress. Stress will leave you with nothing but wrinkles, and I have a master plan to remain looking 25 well into my 40s. ;) (Also, just like when I was 5 years old, I stayed in this bath until my fingers looked like raisins as well).
I leave you with a quote I read this week (after my yoga class each week they always end with a quote, & I see myself starting to pick up the habit..)
“If you want something you’ve never had, you need to do something you’ve never done”
Enjoy your sanity (and a sample song from my bath playlist).
All my love <3

• The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

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My Mini Blog:

(im sure the owner of this antique store in brooklyn didnt have this kind of photo shoot in mind when she put some of her products outside...but little did she know I was sharing some very important, top secret nutrition information with this woman statue).
I want to quickly update all (18) of you on an earlier post about an above average coffee man who makes small talk with me each day. This morning I walked out of my building as always with multiple bags on my shoulders; cell phone tucked into the right “butt pocket”, i pod in the left butt pocket with headphones stringing up along my clothing and into my ears, and my one available hand left struggling to unzip my wallet and reach for the dollar bill to pay the coffee man while my keys almost fall out of my pocketbook, and the morning paper is in my mouth (I curl my lips so that it is not actually in my mouth, but yes I know some of you may still find this disgusting). As I approach this gentleman like the human hurricane I appear to be, he smiles and greets me with “hello my friend”. This morning however, he changes it up with an “(deep sigh of relief…reaches down below the window, pops back up with large cup) I saved this last one for you!” Me: “Get out of town!” Him: “yes, I ran out of them (the cups) this morning and kept one to the side for you, because I know you need the large iced!” (smile). Me: “Oh. My. God. You. Are. An Angel”.
Now I don’t want to brag, but who are we kidding here? I have never felt this loved! The thing about me is that I am all about the little things. I think little things are better than big things. I think laying in central park under a tree is a joyous occasion. Sure, I tend to be ridiculous sometimes, but my dramatic personality also makes me very passionate, & it is that same passion which showed on my face, that made the coffee man feel like a King today when I told him 24 times that he made my day by simply putting a plastic cup to the side. He is such a kind person. I think I need to make him some of Lilias soup and bring it to the cart one day. Maybe I will do that though when it is not 100 degrees outside. This heat has been something to sweat over, and iced coffees will continue to make me smile every morning, until September comes that is, and along with the seasons changing; so will my coffee order. For now though I am wrapping up my summer with 18 days left of my seasonal job, making plans for the remaining days off, & trying to have as many beautiful moments as possible. While the fall is my absolute most favorite time of year, this summer has been sweet to me and I plan on soaking up the suns last rays before bidding adieu to it. Now this is a mini blog, meant for the purpose of updating. I have plenty more to say (as always) but will hold until it is all better edited. Until next time: I leave you with music...Peace. Love. & vegetarian meatballs

• Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

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One Sick Pup

I don’t know where that expression came from. “One sick pup”. I actually don’t know if it’s even considered an expression, or if it’s just another made up phrase that my parents used while I was growing up. They did make up a lot of expressions those two. What I do know, is that whenever I did something either crazy, gross, or both, my parents would follow with “boy you are one sick pup!” (Obviously, they weren’t referring to me being physically sick, but more so mentally).
A few weeks ago, however, that is exactly what I was.
I was out of commission for a week, one of those days finally giving in and calling out of work. Since I am not really great at taking days and doing “nothing”, I decided to take on an achievable apartment task. I decided I’d paint my living room, like I have wanted to do for months. Painting is so relaxing too. So I put on a nice Dave Matthews playlist, and painted my bedroom and one wall of the living room. What I should have realized was the 95 degree weather, stomach bug, open paint cans, & poor ventilation wasn’t about to mix well. An hour into the painting I felt so sick, that you can see the story unfold on my living room wall. You see where the effort was, and where I started going downhill (like how I painted right over the light switch, which I believe you are supposed to avoid doing). I actually don’t even remember the end of that paint job, as I quickly started fading. I practically crawled into my room as soon as I managed to finish and set myself up in bed in time for 4pm Oprah. My roommate comes home from work around 5pm to find me in bed holding my head and laying upside-down moaning in pain. There was head pressure, nose pressure, body aches, a not so attractive cough, and the feeling I was going to get sick which came in waves every 12 minutes or so. But this story wouldn’t be worth sharing if I was just going to tell you how sick I was. Nah. The story gets good now (at least I think) because I still managed to have a great evening.
Part of being sick on a Friday night includes canceling your Friday night plans. Mine for that night was supposed to involve my friend Lilia, and a pair of salsa dancing high heels on my feet in a bar/restaurant downtown to a live band. I was so. Bummed. I didn’t want to cancel, but there really was no way I was making it past my living room couch. After making the dreaded call to mi amiga, I was thrilled to hear she didn’t care about going out and was going to stop over and visit me instead! A few hours later, when she arrived at my apartment, there was a bag of goodies on her arm. There was Theraflu, Tylenol sinus, a giant yellow Gatorade (which is all I want to drink when I am sick. I don’t know why, childhood habit I suppose) and vegetables. Vegetables, because Lilia came over to make me homemade vegetable soup from scratch. How did I get so freaking lucky!? She said when she heard my voice on the phone; she knew I was in bad shape, and that there was no way I’d be dancing that night. So, there we were; two chicas, in a tiny kitchen, on a hot summer Friday night uptown. A can of vegetable broth, potatoes, carrots, & celery with a cup (or 2) of water simmered on the stove top as I ate crackers and drank the Gatorade. As always, the ipod provided the tunes and even though I was a sick pup, I was pretty happy. Lilia owned the kitchen, walking around finding spices and randomly pinching a little of this and a little of that into the pot. In the end, we added whole wheat angel hair pasta to it, with salt, pepper, & a lot of love of course. :) This soup took 35 minutes from start to finish & was made with no recipe on paper. Lilia is a talented lady, but we can definitely all do this soup! Also, I am crediting it as my cure to that horrible illness I had all week. The soup was a real life miracle. I felt relief as soon as I tasted it.
I love vegetables. I love music. & I love Lilia. I also love feeling better. And when I can remember the list of “stuff” she threw into that pot, I will compile it and post it on this blog so you can make at home for your best friend, or love when they are not feeling well. So check back for it under “recipes”. In the words of Jerry Springer, “take care of yourself. And each other”.

• Verme by Baby Ranks

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The Air Smells Better Here

Friday July 2nd, 4:58 pm. I am sitting in my office downtown staring at my email. I am thinking to myself “nothing is coming into my inbox, because everyone is gone already for the weekend”. Countdown begins, 2 minutes until I am out of here. To my right was my rolling suitcase, my black duffle bag tied on top of the suitcase, and my purse. 4:59pm, I can now put papers in my file box and shut down the computer. I slowly stand up, gather my belongings,…tick….tock….5pm. My work day was done, and free I was until Monday morning. With a little extra kick in my step, I waved goodbye to all my coworkers, and walked 20 minutes to the path train (with that entire luggage yes). The Path took me to Hoboken New Jersey. From there, I boarded a NJ Transit train which would take me to Suffern NY, where I would be picked up by car and drive another hour and a half to well; it’s no use in naming the town because it’s not on the map. But it is a darling place in Pennsylvania in the middle of nowhere and I find when I get up there I can breathe. Maybe it’s the lack of cell phone reception. Maybe it’s the endless roads lined with trees, or the beautiful lake. Perhaps it is just the quiet times, and not so quiet times spent with friends. This place is special. And this city mouse left her metro card at home and headed off to the country for a 4th of July weekend filled with boats, fireworks, and bottles of pinot noir. Arrival time: 9pm Friday night.
I spent my childhood coming to this place every 4th of July with my family. It is a family vacation resort which focuses on games, food, and hospitality in the serene setting of the Poconos, on a lake. We stopped the tradition (although my mom likes to say we “paused” it, since she wants to return once my siblings and I have our own children and we can make it a kids trip again) in 2004. However, my best friend still goes up there and I am known to accompany her whenever her NYPD husband can’t make it and she needs a gal pal to make things interesting. Her father built a gorgeous log cabin on the lake in 2004 (that same summer my family took our last trip) and I think I am in love with it. The log cabin is across from the resort, on the other side of the lake making it truly private and not part of the (little) madness that can exist at the resort when a lot of guests are there. You drive down an actual dirt road to get to it, and as a homeowner you get to name your street since really each street is only created so you can get to your house.
Now I can think of a few of my nyc friends who would go stir crazy up there, while I’ve also met PA locals who tell me nyc smells bad and is too crowded. Where do I stand? Well I am meant to live in cities, for so many reasons, but I can hack both. I like to live in the city, and escape to the country. I definitely wouldn’t do it the other way around, but I like the system I have going now. I have no problem turning the phone off, canon balling into a lake, and riding in the back of a truck. Shocking I know, considering at age 4 when I was first instructed to dress myself, I threw the overalls my mom handed me out my bedroom window and came out in a party dress instead.
Anyway, my family vacations here were not typical. We didn’t shop, tan, and sleep. In fact, sleep comes last. We played Name that Tune, Family Double Dare, had to be at breakfast at 8am, water skied, paddle boated, played trivia, and watched Theme shows. From sun up to sun down it was family time and you were getting dirty, staying busy, and having a lot of laughs. One year, we had to do a relay race which involved making us human tacos. The resort had constructed giant taco shells made of wood, and we hopped in them one at a time and allowed our teammates to dump everything from refried beans to sour cream on us. Winners were determined based on overall messiness and creativity. Winners also get gold medals. As my friend Michelle would say, “If you can’t have fun here, I need to re evaluate our friendship. Not liking this place is like not liking puppies”. And I might have to agree. So this is where I ended up 4th of July weekend.
On Saturday, a bunch of friends came to Michelles log cabin, and we watched the fireworks on the lake. We even busted out into a sort of drunk rendition of God Bless America. I have it filmed. The next day, the 4th, was spent being ridiculously lazy, but I suppose once and a while that is OK. Although it did start at 6:45 am; when I joined Michelles dad on his boat, which I should mention sits on the lake, in their backyard (or front yard; however which way you think of it). Everyone else was sleeping of course, but I sipped my giant cup of coffee and had good conversation with the man behind the log cabin. It was a beautiful morning, and so unbelievably quiet at that hour. Mr. P says coming up to this place helps him think. I totally get it. Sometimes you need to stop, think, re plan, and go into action again to keep yourself on track. And the city can be a little noisy for such intense life planning. Once everyone else woke up, the day was spent riding around the lake on the boat, eating amazing home cooked food, & even an afternoon nap. That evening, I put my heels on (I managed to wear high heels still even once, because you can’t change who you are just because you’re walking on a dirt road) and we made it over to the resort for a few hours of dancing and seeing more friends in the North Lodge.
Yes life can be twisted sometimes, and maybe not all of you would find peace on a lake. But I feel that sometimes, you can get closer with your family by pouring guacamole on their head and saying you did it for the gold medal first place. I have a lot of love for my friend, her entire family, and any friend of mine from that town up in PA. This blog is for all of them, and to many future nights enjoying life with them.
Check my Recipe Tab on this page for pictures and recipes of the food I ate on the lake. A vegetarian 4th of July, at a table full of meat eaters! :)