Wholefoods Man: “Next! Yes miss what can I get for you?”
Me: (All smiles) “Hi! Can you just hold up the 12oz cup I want to see how big it is”
Man: (holds up cup, smiles)
Me: (raises one eyebrow). Now I’m pissed. And so it begins. I can’t believe what a little monster I turn into when I try to cut back on this stuff. “Ok, thanks. Yea I’ll just have that size coffee with room for milk please”. (Why cruel world!? Why!?)
I understand that for someone who blogs on health I may be coming off as a complete lunatic right now. It is not healthy to have a caffeine addiction. Mine started innocently enough when my first job in the city required me to show up at 5:15am every day. I remember saying to a co worker, “how am I going to do that?” My manager overheard me and replied “with a lot of coffee.” I should send her the bill one day I suppose. But truth be told, not only am I addicted to coffee; I actually enjoy the taste. I really like it. Ideally, I would drink it every other day and not “require” it to feel OK. Now when I skip, I get headaches and feel fuzzy. It is difficult for me to concentrate and then I become really…really…cranky. I’ve tried a few times to quit or cut back. The first time was in 2007 when I was working in a pre sale office right before opening a new gym. I remember my boss looking at me and saying (in a way that made me laugh) “what did I tell you!? No new habits, no new boyfriends, no quitting anything! Everything stays the same until this gym is open!” There I was in the middle of the work day barely able to make phone calls and my boss is pacing around: “someone get her a coffee! I can’t do this!” As if the stress of my healthy living attempt was going to just kill him. He bought my coffees for a few days until I snapped and went back. Coffee: 1, Jessica: 0.
So I had my 12oz this morning and enjoyed it with agave and soy milk as I browsed up and down the aisles food shopping. I picked up bell peppers for dinner, strawberries, wheat crackers, and veggie burgers. I spent the mid day baking chocolate beer cupcakes with a baileys butter cream frosting for my roommates birthday which is tomorrow. I sprinkled green sugar sprinkles on top of each frosted cupcake. He is Irish, he likes to drink, and he roots for Michigan State (green and white colors): these cupcakes are all him. And he deserves them for living with me, being so nice, and always snaking our shower drain.
(Patricks Birthday Cupcakes: Chocolate Beer Cupcakes with Baileys Buttercream Frosting for the big 2-6).
Throughout the day I thought everything was great, but now I am feeling that fuzzy feeling again. Although I managed pretty well today, I am sure that I need to have the 12oz again tomorrow. I plan on going from 12 to 8oz, to 4oz, and then the last 2 days to go to green tea before the detox starts and I am entirely off caffeine. This is definitely going to be a challenge for me, but I have to try.
Moral of this story? It wouldn’t be smart to dive into any diet change without properly assessing where you stand now. Sometimes we just need to take smaller steps to get to where we want to be, but no matter the size of the step, just keep walking in the right direction and you will eventually get there.
(with my little gem, she's having a great Saturday, talking vegetarianism with auntie jess).
Til next time my friends,
“the brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all”
“no one can make you feel inferior, without your consent”
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